The Time is Right

I used to believe I could do anything I wanted with my life.  I wanted to be a writer. I assumed I would get my English degree and then be paid to write. I was a bit naive, though I think it would be more appropriate to call it hopeful. Now, eight months have passed since I received my degree; I am not, in fact, being paid to write. 

Part of me is sad this is so and yet I wonder if I was being paid to write, would I still enjoy it? Or would it merely become a "job", a means to an end? I don't know the answer to that but I can say now I have a low stress job I am enjoying,I have been writing more often. 

Perhaps writing is a bit different from other careers people aspire to do. I have a job that pays the bills which allows me to write when I want, however I want. 

It is nice to think a novel is there at the tips of my fingers, just waiting for the moment I can jot it all down. I suppose the point I wanted to make here is your job is sometimes simply that, a job. But never give up on your dreams or stop doing what makes you happy. This is what makes us human, that we strive for something bigger and better. 

I want to be the best at my job and I also want to be a writer. Who says I can't do both?

Is Religion Right? Looking at the Pros and Cons

Life is but a small piece of our universe, one tiny instance in the grand scheme of things. Yet it is all we know, so it becomes the most important piece, the piece that must be protected and treasured. But what lies beyond life? What happened before? Is this really all there is? Are we really so naive and self-centered that we believe our minuscule lives are all there is? Human beings, animals, Earth, all surrounded by floating rocks and burning balls of light. Surely the mere structure of our universe is enough to convince someone there is more than just what we see in front of us. 

The conclusion many people come to when confronted with the incredible wonders of our planet is usually something religious. I do not deny the presence of a higher power but I also do not focus my attention on any one religion, being as I don't find any one that fits my ideas of the world. I also find it hard to believe just one could be right, yet all proponents of each religion swear they know the ultimate truth. 

I firmly believe I can respect and admire nature and science in all of its beauty and complexity without offending any "god". I also believe that respecting and honoring those around me is enough to please any so-called "righteous god" and therefore save me from any future condemnation. 

Many claim that this is simply a refusal to choose a religion, a way out. It is seen as "cheating" by trying to encompass all religions by remaining without a religion and attempting to save oneself no matter which religion ends up being right. 

To that I say, what if you are all wrong? What then? I am not refusing to choose, I am simply not convinced that any rituals and traditions would please a god any more than my beliefs in being a good and decent person would. 

Religion is often a troublemaker. For centuries, it had caused wars among those who practice different religions and even between denominations of the same religion. Most religious issues arise from extremist groups within the religion, usually a small amount of people that make a huge impact on the image of the religion itself. A prime example would be extremist Muslims who have given Islam a bad name. There are also problems with some religions ostracizing certain groups of people (certain Christian groups and LGBTQ individuals) or subjugating a group (women in many religions). 

I have no religion and would like to think I am an extremely kind and caring person who is not quick to judge or condemn. This does not mean I think religion should be done away with. Religion has many benefits to counter some of the negativity it brings. One of my biggest reasons for supporting religion is its social benefit. It often creates a feeling of community and acceptance that can lead to high self-esteem, greater involvement in society, an improved ability to speak to and approach others, and a sense of being able to give your problems to someone above you. 

That being said, not having a religion is okay too. I feel that I am socially advanced and have decent self-esteem without the help of a church. However, I know that many people need religion in their lives. I also know that I am not one of those people. 

What are your opinions on religion? Is it going to advance as time goes on or will it fade into the past? What are its benefits for you?

10 Gorgeous Cinema Celebrities

Within the past year or so, the world of cinema has graciously provided some of the most amazing movies to grace the silver screen in quite some time. Not only did moviegoers get to enjoy wonderfully directed movies, they also got the chance to admire some of Hollywood's finest. 

Here are the top ten celebs that gave our eyes great pleasure recently. 

10) Andrew Garfield

The Amazing Spiderman was a superhero movie that was revamped and released with a hot new cast including the one and only Andrew Garfield as Spiderman. Garfield was both cute and smoldering at times and won the audience over with his charming smile and his heroic deeds. 

9) Carey Mulligan 

The beautiful Mulligan appears in the newly released The Great Gatsby as the torn and tragic character Daisy Buchanan. Her faint dimples and dark eyes are mesmerizing. She is a stunning actress and won many hearts with her portrayal of Daisy. 

8) Bradley Cooper

Before Cooper played the touching role of Pat Soltano in Silver Linings Playbook, I simply thought of him as the goofy guy from The Hangover. But his dazzling performance as a man with mental issues falling in love with a girl who is equally as troubled made me see him in a whole new light. His gorgeous blue eyes pierced my soul and I fell in love with his acting and his eyes. 

7) Leonardo Dicaprio 

Over and over I am floored by Dicaprio's performances. From Titanic to Inception to The Great Gatsby, there is always something deeply realistic in his portrayal of a character. His recent role as Jay Gatsby had me falling out of my seat from sheer infatuation. His looks, his voice, his walk...perfectly Gatsby. 

6) Emma Stone

I first fell for Emma's quirky and fun attitude in Easy A. Since then she has blossomed into a beautiful young woman who can pull off blonde, brown, and red hair. She is one actress who is dashingly beautiful inside and out. Her role in The Amazing Spiderman had viewers wishing they could save her too. 

5) Anne Hathaway

Hathaway's performance in Les Miserables has put her in league with Hollywood's finest. Though her appearance in that movie wasn't too glamorous, I must say Hathaway is absolutely stunning with her new pixie cut. 

4) Skylar Astin

This adorable cutie sang his way into our hearts as a Treblemaker in the smash hit Pitch Perfect. What's better than a handsome man? A handsome man who can sing and dance. I must say I swooned at his little moves during the Treblemakers' final performance. Astin is definitely an actor I would love to see more. 

3) Emma Watson

From fluffy haired Hermione to a rather stunning young woman, Watson has made her mark on film with her role in The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Not only is she such a wonderful person to look at, but she also has that lovely accent I could listen to all day. Watson has certainly become one of cinema's greatest actors and is receiving a lot of good attention for her upcoming role in Bling Ring. 

2) Robert Downey Jr.

Oh, Iron Man. What can I say about you that is not obviously apparent? The latest installment in Marvel's Iron Man movies is perhaps the best for admiring RDJ's super fit silhouette. More time out of the suit means more time with the great RDJ.  RDJ pumps up the sexy in the third installment and even gives the viewers a chance to admire his dance moves. 

1) Jennifer Lawrence

The number one beauty over the past year is without a doubt the talented Jennifer Lawrence. This woman truly is beautiful inside and out. She is a great example of how being yourself is the most important thing. Lawrence never puts on a front before the cameras: what you see is what you get. Her candid and honest personality makes her all the more beautiful. 

Bonus! 

 

One of music's sexiest:

Patrick Stump

I couldn't write about gorgeous celebs without including one of my very favorite men: Patrick Stump, frontman of the pop-punk band Fall Out Boy. FOB's recent reunion has brought the band, and this cutie, back into the spotlight and I couldn't be happier. Stump is another one of those people who is beautiful inside and out, as apparent by his defense of his fans from the troll Shane Morris on Twitter this past week. 

Who are your favorite big screen actors? How does my list compare to yours?

How to Survive a Shopping Addiction

Forever 21, PacSun, Kohl's, American Eagle...etc. I love to shop. Online, in person, whichever. How do I buy cute clothes while staying on a very tight budget?

Easy. I never pay full price for anything.

One of the best ways to save money while also being a crazy shopper is to only shop the clearance racks. I shop clearance racks at every store I enter and usually end up with some pretty amazing deals. Now a "deal" for those of us who really are trying to save money is under five dollars. I try to not spend more than ten dollars for a shirt, twelve to fifteen for jeans, and fifteen for dresses. Now this is only if they are new.

One of my most favorite ways to shop is at thrift stores. Goodwill is the best place to pick up a cute pair of jeans for three dollars. Make sure they don't have any stains and always check the crotch to make sure they aren't worn out and developing holes.

Another great thing about places like Goodwill is you can buy cheap used clothes and then DIY some of it to make them part of the newest fashion trends. I recently purchased an old pair of denim shorts and bleached them in the ombré style. They are a hundred times cuter than when I bought them.

Remember no one has to know how much you paid for something (I however happily announce my two dollar purchases). Shop clearance racks and thrift stores! You can still rock an awesome outfit and save money!

Dealing with Depression, Let's Talk About It

*Warning: This is a very personal and true account of my battle with depression. I wanted to share because I know that other people battle this too and I have learned that it is something we shouldn't be afraid of. Not talking about it only makes it worse. I hope you benefit from my candid and heartfelt story.*

Have you ever felt so crazy that you don't even want to be inside your own head anymore?

It's almost like you're seeing yourself clearly for the first time. You come up with all these reasons why the people in your life would be better without you and all these characteristics about yourself that you hate. In a second you suddenly become this despicable person. The only thing you can do is cry and lie in bed hoping tomorrow never comes.

I'm not alone, I know there are plenty of people who feel like this. The only way I have been able to conquer my depression and mood swings was through a fairly heavy dosage of antidepressants. With that arises the question, should I need medication to feel happy? Am I simply unhappy and pessimistic because that's who I am?

No. I feel like there is more to me than tears, pain, doubt, and self-hatred. I want a happy, fruitful life. And the only way I have even gotten close is by taking my happy pills. I'm not ashamed of it and I know I am far better with them than without them.

I've been dealing with the depression and anger issues for quite some time, almost as long as I can remember. I believe I might have been somewhat "normal" until about age ten or so. For the most part I was a pretty amiable child who loved to make people laugh but as I got older, I became withdrawn, moody, and confrontational. My poor mother was often on the receiving end of my emotional roller coasters. We would stand at opposite ends of the house screaming at each other over the most ridiculous things.

Some of our problems were normal teenager issues: boys, friends, getting to go somewhere, but then there were the more unusual fights over watching television or dinner or how my hair looked that day. My mood could switch from happy to annoyed to angry to distraught in five seconds flat.

I'm sure most of you are thinking "bipolar much?" But when I was younger, that was something other people had, not me. And, like any good parent, my parents weren't willing to rush me to the doctor and put me on some meds for something they thought I would probably grow out of.

Thinking back on it now, I know I should have talked more to my parents about how I was feeling at the time, but there aren't many teenagers who are willing to have that conversation. So I battled inwardly with my hatred of myself, hating the way I acted and hating how I treated my mom and hating how much I cried, but I seemed to never be able to stop doing those things I hated so much.

Several years later, I was at the doctor to get my antidepressant prescription. I had finally had enough with my crazy moods. My mother was in the room with me and before the doctor asked me the necessary questions to see if I needed the medicine, she asked if I wanted my mom to leave the room. I thought about it for a second and realized the best way to explain to my mom the reason why I needed this medicine was to let her hear my answers to the doctor's questions. "No, she can stay."

"Alright, let's get started then. How long have you been experiencing these feelings of depression?"

"On and off since I was about eleven or twelve. Sometimes are worse than others. And I have some pretty bad mood swings."

She made a note and nodded. "Okay, have you ever had suicidal thoughts?"

Boom. The big question. I looked at my mom and could see the tears welling up in her eyes as she looked at me.

I had to be honest. "Uh, yeah."

Mom burst into tears. I wanted to cry. The doctor gazed at my mom sympathetically, "I know that's hard for a mother to hear."

Mom, choking back tears, responded, "How did I not know that about my own kid?"

Well I knew the answer to that one. "I didn't want you to know."

I remember feeling like no one would understand what I was going through. No one had ever felt as horrible as I did and I would repeat over and over that my family and friends would be "better off if I was dead." I am very happy I was never brave enough to actually attempt anything. Well, I don't think I would call that bravery but I do know that actually killing myself scared the shit out of me, even though I did think it would be better if I did.

After being on my medication for a few months, I could tell that it was helping me. I dealt with stressful situations in a calmer manner, my mood swings were few and far between, and my relationship with my mom was the best it had ever been. I'm not ashamed that I need my medication to have a better life. I enjoy my life now more than I ever did and I am thankful for the people around me that supported me when I was moody and hard to be around.

I only hope that others read this and realize that they should talk about their feelings to someone. Talking about it will help you. I can't help but think if I had gotten help sooner maybe I would have saved myself quite a few years of suffering.

So take a deep breath, do what makes you happy, and live.

Fall Out Boy Returns!

When I was fifteen years old, I learned of this band called Fall Out Boy. Little did I know that from the first song I heard I would be hooked for life. These boys were my go to music through a lot of my stupid teenage dramatic years. I would turn on FOB if I was angry or happy or sad. One of the best friendships I ever had was made through the mutual love of that band. We would watch the videos over and over and sing the songs at the top of our lungs. My freshman year was defined by "Dance, Dance", "Sugar We're Going Down" and "Sixteen Candles". My sophomore year came with the blaring of "Hum Hallelujah" and "Thnks for the Mmrs". And finally, in my senior year I recorded Folie a Deux onto a cassette so I could listen to it in my old Ford Ranger on my way to school.  

In 2009, for my graduation present, I was taken to my first concert ever: Fall Out Boy, Panic! At the Disco, and Blink-182. What an experience. It remains one of the most amazing shows I have ever seen. My favorite moment was Fall Out Boy playing Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" with Brendon Urie singing. When I learned the boys were taking a hiatus, I was heartbroken. Some bands that really suck keep making music so why was my favorite band taking a break? What I didn't realize was that Patrick, Pete, Joe, and Andy must have been exhausted and needed the time to collect themselves and really delve into their music when they were ready.

2013. Light 'Em Up. Fall Out Boy returns and just like always, a fresh and breathtaking new sound comes with them. I cannot express how excited I was when  I read the news. A new CD and a tour? My dream come true. Today I purchased my tickets for the June 30 show in Nashville. I cannot wait to see Fall Out Boy light up the stage once more.

Guns, God, and Freedom....'Merica.

I have tried my best to stay out of the gun debate for the most part, being that it angers me greatly to see people defending them with such passion when (I feel) there are far more important things that should be addressed than whether or not I can have an AK-47. Personally, I do not like guns and I will never own one or shoot one, but I don't think they should be taken away. I understand guns used for hunting. However, I will say that the argument that you need a gun for "defense" makes no sense to me. How often, as a regular citizen, have any of these people arguing for guns actually used a gun to defend themselves?

Regardless, I simply think there should be stricter laws on how you purchase guns. There is also no reason anyone needs military style assault weapons. NO REASON. I am not saying this simply because of the recent tragic events, like the Newtown school shooting or the Aurora movie theater shooting, but because as a country we are far too entranced with violence. The fact that there are gun shows proves that we are obsessed with it. Look at the video games and movies that are most popular: shooting, killing, violence, death.

The issue that bothers me most about this gun rights argument is the amount of people standing up and protesting it. Where were you people when LGBTQ rights were being withheld? There are people in our country that are being denied the BASIC RIGHTS that most people get to enjoy, but there is no giant outgoing force trying to stop that. There aren't enough people in an uproar to change things. We let LGBTQ rights drop by the wayside but god forbid anyone try to take my guns!

I think it is a shame that as a country we are more concerned about being armed then about protecting LGBTQ rights. This country is supposed to be about freedom and rights for all, but it seems to me it is only for a few. Support love. Support freedom. Spend your time defending the rights of all.

"When everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless rather than fighting for humans that have had their rights stolen, I might not be the same, but that’s not important. No freedom till we’re equal, damn right I support it."

-Macklemore